Some of TonyB's Favorite Quotes

This is a collection of quotes that I find funny, amusing, thoughtful, or just for some other reason caught my attention

"We must strike first. It's simply self-defense." -- King Lepold of Anacreon in Isaac Asimov's Foundation.

"Man, you're unpredictable! You're worse than the f***ing weather!" -- Jim C upon finding that Tony had once again rearranged the office funiture.

"You're 17, you're 19 - it averages out." -- Range master to Brian and Tony while in Las Vegas regarding the minimum age requirement of 18 to shoot automatic weapons.

"If it doesn't have a beer cap in it, what kind of gun is it?" -- Thomas Lambert upon fixing the BCI dart gun with duct tape and beer caps.

"It was a good idea. It still is. The only trifling flaw about it is that it is impossible." -- Lewis Bort in Isaac Asimov's Foundation.

"Two choices lie before you. You can take the blue pill, and make the switch to Apple and wallow in its impersonal shiny interface, pretending that it's not a computer, and you will have never known reality. Or you can take the red pill, and choose console-mode Linux and the world that you have never known." -- From http://ashitaka-san.home.comcast.net/yayrant/antiswitch.html

"I was expecting something a little more...hard" -- Brian to Derek Alexander while filming a movie for Ashley's US History project.

"Fe Fi Fo Fum - Damn that's a huge bitch!!!" -- Randomly overheard at IHOP in Champaigne, IL.

"It's this brain of mine. It's always making mistakes. It's got a mind of it's own -- Crutchy in Newsies

"Whaaaa?" -- Jon Stewart from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

"Spelunkable" -- Created as a code word between TonyB and Zach, and later heard on the Bob and Tom show using the same meaning.

"You brought yo' bitch to the Waffle Hut?!?" -- Gawain in The Ladykillers

"You? Spend a lot of money? No. A lot of people travel to Switzerland to get their watch fixed." -- Thornton Melon to his wife Vanessa in Back to School

"Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache" -- Thornton Melon to Lou commenting on his wife in Back to School

"You don't lie to me. You lie to girls." -- Thornton Melon to his son in Back To School

" Y'all is singular - All y'all is plural - All y'all's is plural possessive " -- From jokes.comedycentral.com

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- George W. Bush

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." -- Governor George W. Bush

"You ever wonder why we're here?"
"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it. Why are we here. Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god, watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff? I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."
"What?!? I mean, why are we out here, in this canyon?"
"Oh! Uh... Yeah..."
"What's all this stuff about God?"
"Uhh... hmm? Nothing."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Sure?"
"Yeah."
"Serioulsy though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out. The only reason that we set up a red base here is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base here."
"Yeah - that's because we're fighting each other."
"No no... but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Woopty-fuckin-doo!"
-- Episode 1 of Red vs Blue

"An atheist is a guy who watches a Notre Dame versus SMU football game and doesn't care who wins." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

" I desire to go to hell and not to heaven. In the former place, I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings, and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks, and apostles." -- Niccolo Machiavelli

"Oh! You got owned! I saw it! Fucking Owned!" -- Episode 40 of Red vs Blue

"... but I gotta tell you guys. I'm not one of those singers who shows up in movies. I made it this far without having to do it." -- Steven Tyler in Be Cool

"[A] nice ass won't get you through you're whole life. When you turn thirty, you better have a personality." -- Raji in Be Cool

"Oh, fuckberries!!!" -- Tucker in Episode 13 of Red vs Blue

"You dropped something!!!" -- Originally used by Zach, and picked up by TonyB. Shouted out, especially in restaraunts, when something was heard dropped. This practice was continued until one day... "You dropped something... oh wait, you dropped!" We noticed, a few seconds too late to keep ourselves quiet, that the waitress hadn't dropped anything, but had instead dropped after passing out.

"Do unto others before they do unto you."
"You can make both ends meet, but you can't make them like each other."
"Never hit a man when he's down. Kick him. It's much easier."
"Two is company. Three is bad birth control."
"Dead owls don't give a hoot."
-- From "More of the Best of Milton Berle's Private Joke File"

"Well gang...." -- Mr. Kidwell... He may be a "Dick", but he's still funny.

"I'd heard she was fast, but I didn't know that they meant running!" -- Mr. Kidwell, the best high school calc teacher I ever had.

"[Britney Spears] is only 17?!? You mean, I could be arrested for those thoughts I had?" -- Mr. Kidwell, always one to make us laugh with a joke (at least I hope it was).

"You can still look nice without dressing like a slut!" -- Mr. Kidwell, always one to share his opinion.

"Aye! Aye! Aye!" -Mr. Spears, teaching imaginary numbers (i3), Ozzy style.

"It's not that it was unmemorable, I just don't remember it." -- Melissa to Jim on their "kiss on the beach."

"Wales is the country underneath the "K" of United Kingdom" -- Cosmo Wheelnut on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board.

"Homerism: MMMMMMMM Ketchup Carpet ~(_8^(I)>/////" -- ktisma on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board (ok, so us Bananaheads divert a bit from the topic of Anna).

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoys a beer or 10." -- Cosmo Wheelnut on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board.

"Panties are not all that crazy... I even wear them sometimes." -- cwalter on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board.

"It is just so inconsiderate of him to have a real life..." -- cwalter on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board.

"It's really just because we don't want to miss any of the [football, basketball, croquet, midget arm wrestling] game!" -- dakimmel on a posting in the Anna Nalick message board concerning why men are an average of 9.5 minutes faster than women.

"Software for your stuff." -- Iomegaware software motto

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question." -- Jean-Luc Godard

"I'm a math kind or girl... er, guy... shit!" -- TonyB

"Un tanke grande!!!" -- Episode 19 of Red vs Blue and Zach during Civ3 play

"Just because people are your neighbors doesn't mean they have to be your friends." -- Chick McGee on the Bob and Tom Show

"This is such a beautiful hoe that you have. Where'd you get it?" -- Ashy in the US History Video Outtakes

"Wanted: People wanting ceramic molds."
"Wanted: Free year's supply of gasoline. Have a Hummer and Ford Expedition that are running low."
-- Found in the Wanted section of the classifieds.

"I don't care." -- Tara during her last night as manager.

"I'd use my new ladder, but I don't want to get the feet muddy." -- Geoff while putting up Christmas lights.

"What'd you give me the other night?!?" -- Haley to Stephanie (we're still not sure what she meant).

"It looks like his balls are laughing." -- Zach Ritter... had to be there.

" Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? " -- Received in an email forward.

"Those indistinguishable hobbit characters..." -- Melissa, referring to the characters Merry and Pippin in The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

"Options are optional" -- wxWidgets online documentation (wxCmdLineParser) and Episode 37 of Red vs Blue

"Uh, you're going to be alive when I wake up tomorrow, aren't you?"
"If I'm lucky, no. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to do anything stupid... I just sometimes wish God would do it for me. "

-- A Concerned Friend to an Angry Christian

"Orifices..." -- TonyB


-- http://boingboing.net/2003_12_01_archive.html

©2005 TonyB